Sunrise Update #1

When I started working at Sunrise, I really had no idea what I was getting into. Don't get me wrong, I had some idea of the hellions with whom I would be dealing, but there was so much more to discover. I was wholly unprepared for the extent of my care and concern for the quite extraordinary young women with whom I would be working. I am daily astounded by how desperately I want them to succeed in life. I've been there long enough to have a veritable slew of favorites and plenty of girls with whom I still want to become better acquainted. The one of the best parts is what they need from me.
On one hand, they need and very much want a positive, healthy role model who has made relatively wise choices and is presently living a full and happy life. This is mostly bestowed almost effortlessly by simply engaging in positive, encouraging conversations, so this is, in many ways, just about being me, which may sound pompous, but I don't feel like I'm the mold for good staff members, simply because there is such a vast variety of individuals who work there. It's really just about being "Me" and letting the girls be attracted to the staff with whom they have much in common. I love all my girls, and I'm so grateful for the bright little smiles I get when I walk in the door.
Based largely on past home and family life, the girls also really need structure and a firm understanding of Cause and Effect. Many of them don't understand the very basic and almost evolutionary concept that consequences (positive and negative) naturally follow actions, because their parent's never held their daughters accountable for those actions. In many cases there was no one to guide them through the murky waters of peer pressure, depression, and other teenage hells (without contributing in a big way to those issues). A big part of my day is helping them understand that when they act maliciously or throw tantrums, they will reap the disadvantages of that particular choice. Fortunately, I also get to reward good behavior such as kindness and compassion. The necessity of balance is what I think motivates me most of all. I love feeling like I'm helping these girls find balance and meaning in their lives.
Forgiveness is an important part of the process for these young women. The other day, one of my girls approached me with a dilemna she will soon face on a home-visit. The surface issue was easily resolved, but it overturned some deeply rooted distresses about her self worth. She told me she felt like if she made a mistake, was forgiven for it, and then repeated the indescretion, the original forgiveness would be void. As a result, she didn't feel like she could ever forgive herself for her past until she could be sure she would never relapse. Of course it's impossible to be perfectly sure a misdemeanor will never be repeated so, according to her own logic, this kind, lively, passionate person can never be worthy of forgiveness from herself or anyone else.
It about broke my heart!
For a moment, all I could think of was the extent of the emotional and psychological pain she must endure daily. When I told her that I believe forgiveness is not a one time thing, but something we can give ourselves every time we slip and fall, and that forgiveness comes not when finally perfect but can be interlaced through a long life full of character-building mistakes, she looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
I tried not to show it, but I choked up a little. I felt so bad for this girl who had allowed a lifetime of guilt weigh her down. I felt infinitely blessed by my own life experiences and the people who taught me to forgive and love myself. The alternative seems really sad.
I'm happy to report her home visit went really well, and this girl seems much happier loving herself rather than emotionally flogging herself for every transgression.