Confessions of a Working Mother: How I’m Striving to Cultivate All Aspects of my Life!

Here are some of the lessons I’ve been learning in the last ten months:

1. No matter what I do, there will never be enough time in the day and week. And that’s ok. Life, and particularly motherhood, is not a race.

2. Although I believe we have a special relationship, Jane does just fine without me while I work. In fact, I think it’s good for her to be around other people. Her Nana and Auntie Hil love her so much and she lights up when she sees them. I am so thankful for the time and attention they give to her and they teach her things that I forget about or have less patience for.

In fact, here are some of the things Jane learned from her Auntie Hil:

How to stick out her tongue over and over

To dance to ALL different kinds of music

To say (in her own little language) “Are you a….Chowhound?!”

And from her Nana:

How to climb stairs up AND down

To not touch things that are off limits

To “Ride the Horsey”

To clap and flap her arms like a little bird-it’s super cute!

That Mommy always comes back and it’s ok to be away from her

…and so much more!

3. For the first time in my life, I see little value in making lists. I know. Gasp!

But here’s why: See #1. There will never be enough time and something will UNDOUBTEDLY get in the way of my control-freak plan, so rather than beating myself up for not accomplishing all the little things, I’m trying to keep the important things at the forefront of my mind and go with the flow. The little things will work out. Or they won’t. And that’s ok.

4. My time at home is PRECIOUS and I try to take full advantage of my time with Jane.

5. At the end of the day, I feel more satisfied with a messy house and a happy child, husband, and dog, than with a clean house and a child that hasn’t had a story read to her, a husband who hasn’t been kissed and smiled at, and a dog dying for a walk. It’s really easy for me to sacrifice those things for clean laundry and a scrubbed toilet and it just isn't worth it!

6. Also, husbands seem a lot more excited to help scrub toilets on a home-cooked-meal-fed tummy!

7. My attitude truly does determine the mood of our home. When I am peaceful and loving to my family and to myself, everyone seems calm and happy. It’s amazing how a short prayer and decision to change my perspective can restart my day.

These are not lessons I have learned; they are lessons I am learning and it can be really challenging to keep a positive attitude, especially when I’m tired from working the night before, but it is worth it. I am so incredibly thankful for my job and family and the amazing people with whom I get to spend my time, especially my sweet little girl!

Happy Birthday Jane!

We celebrated Jane's first birthday on Saturday! It's hard to believe my little Peanut has been on the Earth for a whole year (on Tuesday)! It feels simultaneously like yesterday and a lifetime ago that I was preparing to deliver! 

So weird.

We chose a Sheep theme for Jane's birthday because for some reason she has a lot of stuffed sheep and just adores them! Every time she finds one in her toy box she pulls it to her face and in the sweetest little voice coos, "Awwwww." 

It's pretty freakin cute!

I originally planned to go way overboard but realized that I have 17 more super fun birthdays to plan and I need to pace myself, so I chose to simplify and boy did I feel relaxed! It was nice to actually enjoy the weekend with family and friends rather than stressing over all the super-cute-but-inevitably-labor-intensive details!

Bobbe and I made the invitations with the help of my handy-dandy Cricut and Hilary helped me make these darling little sheep! Aren't they cute?

Bobbe made all these adorable cupcakes as well as Janie's smash-cake. 

She's so talented!

My mom, her husband Richard, and Cara helped us get the house ready and make some yummy snacks.

I felt so very blessed to be surrounded by so many family and friends who love and support us. I always have a moment at every party I throw, when I feel a flash of anxiety that my guests aren't having fun or I've forgotten something. This time I wondered if I lacked entertainment or a game of some kind, but as I looked around I noticed that not only did each guest seem to have someone to talk to, but that almost everyone was watching Jane with love and enthusiasm in their eyes. I realized that she was the entertainment and her guests were happy to be there to enjoy my sweet little girl. 

I didn't feel pride, only joy and gratitude.

Josh and I went into this party fully prepared for Jane to get fussy, throw her cake at someone, or get bored opening presents, but she did great! She was engaged the entire time and even showed off her walking skills for the group! She won't walk a single unaided step today, but yesterday Janie was a little ham! She loved her cake (but who could blame her) and I think she ate way too much! She LOVED opening presents! She practically crawled into the gift bags and flung the tissue paper over her head (right into my face) to get to the presents within!

Jane attacked her presents with ferocity!

This little girl enriches my life every single day. Her joyful, sweet, expressive personality is a gift and a blessing for which I grow more thankful daily. 

I never imagined that I could love anyone like I love this little family of mine. 

Happy Birthday Jane!

A Little Update

Has anyone noticed that casual bloggers post in waves? Well, everyone else is catching up so I will too!

After Josh and I had been married for a couple of months I asked my friend, Kellie, who had been married for two years and was contemplating her second child, "Man! Life got so busy after we got engaged and hasn't slowed down. When does it slow down?" 

She giggled.

Now I understand.

This little kiddo keeps me very busy! She is walking here and there, into everything, and exploring her boundaries. She "helps" me with the laundry, inspects Rosie's food and water, thoroughly organizes our DVDs, and cleans out my tupperware cupboard several times each day. 

Speaking of Rosie, it makes me so happy to see them become friends! I grew up with animals and I am so grateful to have such a sweet, good natured dog to look after little Janie. They share Cheerios, Rosie gives Jane baths, and Jane looks for Rosie every morning and squawks until she is released from her kennel!

Listening to Jane explore and experiment with language is a highlight for me. Each day she seems to have found a new sound to wrap her little tongue around and sing while she plays. 

Some of her words include:

Mamam

Dad

Nana

Nigh Nigh (which loosely translates to night night or feed me)

Dat! (that)

Diss (this)

Hi

Chitchen (kitchen)

and Nana swears she said Hot Dog the other day!

 Jane is proving to be a very social baby. She is happy to play by herself as long as she's in the same room with me so she can talk to and show me what she's doing. We love our walks and reading books together-thank goodness she's mostly out of the ripping pages stage! She loves music and dances with us and sometimes will match pitch with me and sing along at bedtime!

Reading stories with Briley

Jane is really good-natured (until she's hungry and then all bets are off), so she goes everywhere with me (with a healthy stash of puffs and baby food) and is usually just happy as a clam to be out and about with me. However, as I mentioned, she's testing boundaries so we've had a few tantrums and Josh and I are finding a balance between ignoring (not reinforcing the behavior) and protecting her from flailing her little head into sharp objects...

...she has a flair for the dramatic. Surprise!

And then we sing and read before bed and she just snuggles right in and my heart feels about to burst with love for this little sweetheart!

Josh is busy as ever at work (and you all thought things calmed down after the Summer Season. Hah!) but he's happy. School House Rock opens tomorrow! I am never more proud of my husband than when a parent of one of his Playmakers kids tells me what a difference he's made in their lives. 

He's so great!

I am finally back in the swing of things at work and really enjoying it. It's nice to have a little rhythm again and it's a little less the-end-of-the-world to be back at work. And I think it's good for Jane to develop relationships with others. I think that's part of why I can have her in my YW class while I teach. She checks in with me throughout my lesson, but is so good to sit and play and not be TOO much of a distraction. The rule is the girls can hold her after the lesson if they participate. 

It works out most of the time.

All in all, I am so happy. Life is not perfect and I've obviously omitted the dramatic waves of guilt at leaving my daughter for work or not feeding her a wide enough variety of beans and the process of adjusting your marriage from couple to family that no one warns you about...but I'm happy. 

I feel deeply grateful to be married to a kind, patient, hardworking man who encourages me to love myself like he does. I'm thankful for our rewarding jobs and the means to provide for our family, and I'm thankful for my supportive and loving extended family. And above all, I am overwhelmingly grateful for the privilege of being Jane's mother. 

She's On the Move!

This business started on the 4th of July... *Cue Jaws soundtrack*

...And she hasn't stopped since! 

Hi-ho, hi-ho...

I returned to work last week and to be honest, it's really hard. I knew it would be, but it's harder than I anticipated. It doesn't really get easier to hand Jane over, I'm just usually in a hurry (what else is new!) and don't leave time to sit and weep over the hours I'll miss with her. She's just so dang cute! It's difficult to leave my little girl in the care of others to go care for other mothers' little girls! (Say that ten times fast!) I knew all of that would make work a challenge, but I didn't expect the adjustment issues to affect Jane's feeding patterns. She's decided that she quite likes the bottle because hey, who wouldn't want deliciously warm milk shot-gun shooting down your throat while being cuddled by your nana, grampa, aunt, or daddy seven times a day? 

In fact, she likes it so much that when I am home, she screams and scratches and arches her body away from me when I try to breastfeed her. 

Super fun. 

And I hate to admit it, but it kind of hurts my feel-bads. I know she doesn't mean it, but it's hard enough to be away from her at all, and then she doesn't want to engage in the most special, intimate of bonding opportunities and before you know it we're both crying! Les Sigh. 

I hear that this is normal and should stop in the next week or two.
Everybody cross your fingers and toes!

BUT! 

There is still so much good in my life!

I am overwhelmingly grateful that Jane gets to hang out with four of her favorite peeps every week and that they are people that I completely trust with her. 

I know how blessed we are that Josh and I both have jobs we enjoy. 

And after a rough week for our friends and their little baby who is failing to thrive, I am extremely grateful and humbled to cuddle my chunky, smiley, happy-as-long-as-she's-being-fed-her-way baby every day. 

I wish I could just stay home with my little Peanut all day every day, but until then I'll just count my blessings and make every day off count as much as I can.