Sunrise Update #1

When I started working at Sunrise, I really had no idea what I was getting into. Don't get me wrong, I had some idea of the hellions with whom I would be dealing, but there was so much more to discover. I was wholly unprepared for the extent of my care and concern for the quite extraordinary young women with whom I would be working. I am daily astounded by how desperately I want them to succeed in life. I've been there long enough to have a veritable slew of favorites and plenty of girls with whom I still want to become better acquainted. The one of the best parts is what they need from me.
On one hand, they need and very much want a positive, healthy role model who has made relatively wise choices and is presently living a full and happy life. This is mostly bestowed almost effortlessly by simply engaging in positive, encouraging conversations, so this is, in many ways, just about being me, which may sound pompous, but I don't feel like I'm the mold for good staff members, simply because there is such a vast variety of individuals who work there. It's really just about being "Me" and letting the girls be attracted to the staff with whom they have much in common. I love all my girls, and I'm so grateful for the bright little smiles I get when I walk in the door.
Based largely on past home and family life, the girls also really need structure and a firm understanding of Cause and Effect. Many of them don't understand the very basic and almost evolutionary concept that consequences (positive and negative) naturally follow actions, because their parent's never held their daughters accountable for those actions. In many cases there was no one to guide them through the murky waters of peer pressure, depression, and other teenage hells (without contributing in a big way to those issues). A big part of my day is helping them understand that when they act maliciously or throw tantrums, they will reap the disadvantages of that particular choice. Fortunately, I also get to reward good behavior such as kindness and compassion. The necessity of balance is what I think motivates me most of all. I love feeling like I'm helping these girls find balance and meaning in their lives.
Forgiveness is an important part of the process for these young women. The other day, one of my girls approached me with a dilemna she will soon face on a home-visit. The surface issue was easily resolved, but it overturned some deeply rooted distresses about her self worth. She told me she felt like if she made a mistake, was forgiven for it, and then repeated the indescretion, the original forgiveness would be void. As a result, she didn't feel like she could ever forgive herself for her past until she could be sure she would never relapse. Of course it's impossible to be perfectly sure a misdemeanor will never be repeated so, according to her own logic, this kind, lively, passionate person can never be worthy of forgiveness from herself or anyone else.
It about broke my heart!
For a moment, all I could think of was the extent of the emotional and psychological pain she must endure daily. When I told her that I believe forgiveness is not a one time thing, but something we can give ourselves every time we slip and fall, and that forgiveness comes not when finally perfect but can be interlaced through a long life full of character-building mistakes, she looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
I tried not to show it, but I choked up a little. I felt so bad for this girl who had allowed a lifetime of guilt weigh her down. I felt infinitely blessed by my own life experiences and the people who taught me to forgive and love myself. The alternative seems really sad.
I'm happy to report her home visit went really well, and this girl seems much happier loving herself rather than emotionally flogging herself for every transgression.

Sweet 16

My sister Haela turned 16 last month!! I knew it would be a big one, so Josh and i were very sneaky and trekked the 3 hours to Orem to surprise her for her most monumental birthday. My mom was the only one who knew and she kept the secret well. We told her to tell Haela that she would pick her up at the flagpole right after school and to be there on pain of death, even though the Orem High Tigers were playing their age-old rival, the Mountain View Bruins (totally the better school...and team since they won. But I'm not biased or anything...). We started circling the parking lot right at 2:15, anxiously hoping to see her before she saw us, but in typical teenage fashion she was 20 minutes late. When we finally pulled up next to her, Haela looked right at me and showed no recognition. It took her a full minute to realize that it was me and even then she was a little dazed.

I was a little worried Haela might still be mad at me for not talking to her for a while, but in full character of my sweet sister, she had forgotten it all.

Josh and I drove up north in his little 2 1/2-door Saturn, thinking we'd be able to fit no matter where we went. We didn't calculate balloons into the equation. Haela had accrued at least 20 balloons throughout the day and needed to take them home. I had magnanimously offered Haela the front seat because of her ultra long legs, so guess who smooshed into the back with the 20+ balloons. And yes. One popped. In. My. Face.
After hanging out in Orem for a couple hours (I miss my Mall :( ) we jetted up to my mom's new house in Draper. Yep. She moved again.
It was great to see my mom and catch up a little. Her house is comfy and much better insulated than the last one.

We left my mom's house thinking we kind of knew where we wanted to go for Haela's birthday dinner, but we were wrong. We were very wrong. After haggling for about an hour (of which I will spare details) we ended up at Ruby River for yummy steak and a surprise appearance by Danielle and Aunt Gina.
We had lots of fun and the food was great. And there were giggles aplenty, especially when the girls got a hold of my camera.

Later it was back to mom's house for carrot cake!

She got her wish!!

The next day I got to help Haela primp and prepare for her first date! She had asked a cute football player to Sadie Hawkins and was really excited. The dance was a jungle theme, so they were going with a cheetah look. I helped her apply her makeup, getting a little dramatic with the eye shadow which I thought would make her look more jungly but she just looked more lovely! She wanted to look cute for the day-date (Which I think is a ridiculous tradition. Who wants to spend 12 hours with a date in High School!), but still look crazy and, well, jungle-ish for the dance, so I 3-barrel curled her hair with some random ringlets and then curled her bangs and told her to mess it up in a bathroom before dance/pictures. She looked so beautiful and mature!

I was really excited for this trip up for Haela's birthday because I had spent the better part of a month preparing a scrapbook of Haela's life up to this point as a surprise for her. Thank goodness I had the help of my Aunt Ashley or I never could have done it. She patiently taught me the basics of scrapbooking and helped me with most of the pages. Ash put a lot of time and energy into it. She's awesome!
Unfortunately, I'm a dork and didn't get any pictures of it or of Haela opening it. Hopefully my mom did, so if I ever get them from her I'll be sure to post some.
Regardless, Haela loved it! Her eyes welled up as she slowly gazed at pictures of her past: Haela as a toddler in our home in Germany, surrounded by siblings who adore her; candids of her in our Orem home with the dogs; snapshots of each parent holding her on October 23, 1993, the day she came into the world-she was such a beautiful baby!
Making her scrapbook made me realize how full and rich her life has been. I think I just thought she would always be my little sister and I sometimes forget that she has experienced and endured and enjoyed much in her seemingly short life. She's grown a lot in the last couple of years. I love her so very much.

Happy Birthday Sis!

Fall Fun

About a month ago I had the honor of being invited to my cousin Emma's field trip! Ya. I felt pretty cool. We had a blast! She's usually very quiet and thoughtful, not usually involved in chaos, and doesn't draw a lot of attention to herself, but as soon as we got on the bus her shell snapped off! She sang 3 Taylor Swift songs, word for word with actions! Everyone on the bus was watching Emma, singing along, laughing at her crazy gestures. She was the star of the trip! It was so fun to see her in the friend element.

The trip was of course very educational. The kids were instructed to collect and label certain plants at each of our stops up Cedar Canyon and Brian Head and then we listened as Professor Jim Bowns from SUU taught us about each plant.

I won't lie, it got a little boring about halfway through the day when Prof. Bowns told us to find the 8th type of spruce that is a teensy bit different from the other 7, but we learned some fun things. For example, one of the many spruces found in Southern Utah can be tied in a knot without snapping!I was fortunate to have mostly non-obnoxious kids in my group and Emma and her friends produced a constant supply of entertainment. All in all it was a very fun day. I loved spending a full day with my sweet and surprisingly hilarious cousin!

Cranky

I didn't sleep a wink last night. My back hurt, I got hit in the nose, and I forgot to remove my makeup, which hurts my eyes. So I woke up tired and cranky. After talking to Josh for a while I tried to nap with no luck. I burnt my hand on my curling iron, dropped half my breakfast on the floor, my room was stifling hot, and I was late for an appointment.
I was cranky.
I took a bath and felt a little better, and then my back spasmed painfully. By then I was comically cranky and just had to laugh at the day. And then Josh came over, sweet and happy. He brought me Diet Coke and Dark Chocolate. He knows me too well. He always makes me feel better and he always seems to know just how to do it!

Saying Goodbye

I've always pondered goodbyes. They fascinate me simply because there are thousands of ways to conduct (or refuse to conduct) them. I have always been a big goodbye-er because I hate the thought of losing someone close to me and never having the chance to say it. It took living in a van in Jackson Hole to understand that everyone says "goodbye" differently. Not everyone feels the need for formal goodbyes, and some avoid them completely. Sometimes I feel like it's obligatory and a little fake...

You say "let's keep in touch," but we both know we won't. I say, "I'll call you for lunch next week," but I never will, because it would probably feel out of order. You say, "your presence has meant so much to me. The time we spent together was wonderful and you will be missed," but I know you're choosing to forget the time I parked in your spot, stood you up, and forgot your birthday, as well as the time you ratted me out, glorified my blunder and ate my lunch. Then again, so am I. I'll decide right now to look back happy that we met and shared the memories, but it's time to move on. Like the East Wind that carried Vianne Rocher and her little girl (Chocolat, 2000) from town to town, something just says, "it's time to go." And we go because there's more to see, smell, hear, taste, and touch; there are new people to influence and be influenced by. There's something new to learn and someone new to teach. There's a whole world to be experienced, and it can only be done by saying goodbye to old, to make room for new. It's a beautiful cycle because even after we move on, it's the memories of those to whom we say goodbye, that later remind us of that part of our lives and the lessons we learned.

It was time to leave Metalcraft and the friends I met there. I am grateful for that short, but very important part of my life. Not only did I learn so very much, but getting hired there was an answer to a prayer. I was unemployed and literally on my last dollar. The job was perfect for the time, but I was so glad to move on. I love my new job and I'm very excited to learn and teach and grow. Here's to the next wonderful stage of my very exciting life!