Confessions of a Working Mother: How I’m Striving to Cultivate All Aspects of my Life!

Here are some of the lessons I’ve been learning in the last ten months:

1. No matter what I do, there will never be enough time in the day and week. And that’s ok. Life, and particularly motherhood, is not a race.

2. Although I believe we have a special relationship, Jane does just fine without me while I work. In fact, I think it’s good for her to be around other people. Her Nana and Auntie Hil love her so much and she lights up when she sees them. I am so thankful for the time and attention they give to her and they teach her things that I forget about or have less patience for.

In fact, here are some of the things Jane learned from her Auntie Hil:

How to stick out her tongue over and over

To dance to ALL different kinds of music

To say (in her own little language) “Are you a….Chowhound?!”

And from her Nana:

How to climb stairs up AND down

To not touch things that are off limits

To “Ride the Horsey”

To clap and flap her arms like a little bird-it’s super cute!

That Mommy always comes back and it’s ok to be away from her

…and so much more!

3. For the first time in my life, I see little value in making lists. I know. Gasp!

But here’s why: See #1. There will never be enough time and something will UNDOUBTEDLY get in the way of my control-freak plan, so rather than beating myself up for not accomplishing all the little things, I’m trying to keep the important things at the forefront of my mind and go with the flow. The little things will work out. Or they won’t. And that’s ok.

4. My time at home is PRECIOUS and I try to take full advantage of my time with Jane.

5. At the end of the day, I feel more satisfied with a messy house and a happy child, husband, and dog, than with a clean house and a child that hasn’t had a story read to her, a husband who hasn’t been kissed and smiled at, and a dog dying for a walk. It’s really easy for me to sacrifice those things for clean laundry and a scrubbed toilet and it just isn't worth it!

6. Also, husbands seem a lot more excited to help scrub toilets on a home-cooked-meal-fed tummy!

7. My attitude truly does determine the mood of our home. When I am peaceful and loving to my family and to myself, everyone seems calm and happy. It’s amazing how a short prayer and decision to change my perspective can restart my day.

These are not lessons I have learned; they are lessons I am learning and it can be really challenging to keep a positive attitude, especially when I’m tired from working the night before, but it is worth it. I am so incredibly thankful for my job and family and the amazing people with whom I get to spend my time, especially my sweet little girl!

Happy Birthday Jane!

We celebrated Jane's first birthday on Saturday! It's hard to believe my little Peanut has been on the Earth for a whole year (on Tuesday)! It feels simultaneously like yesterday and a lifetime ago that I was preparing to deliver! 

So weird.

We chose a Sheep theme for Jane's birthday because for some reason she has a lot of stuffed sheep and just adores them! Every time she finds one in her toy box she pulls it to her face and in the sweetest little voice coos, "Awwwww." 

It's pretty freakin cute!

I originally planned to go way overboard but realized that I have 17 more super fun birthdays to plan and I need to pace myself, so I chose to simplify and boy did I feel relaxed! It was nice to actually enjoy the weekend with family and friends rather than stressing over all the super-cute-but-inevitably-labor-intensive details!

Bobbe and I made the invitations with the help of my handy-dandy Cricut and Hilary helped me make these darling little sheep! Aren't they cute?

Bobbe made all these adorable cupcakes as well as Janie's smash-cake. 

She's so talented!

My mom, her husband Richard, and Cara helped us get the house ready and make some yummy snacks.

I felt so very blessed to be surrounded by so many family and friends who love and support us. I always have a moment at every party I throw, when I feel a flash of anxiety that my guests aren't having fun or I've forgotten something. This time I wondered if I lacked entertainment or a game of some kind, but as I looked around I noticed that not only did each guest seem to have someone to talk to, but that almost everyone was watching Jane with love and enthusiasm in their eyes. I realized that she was the entertainment and her guests were happy to be there to enjoy my sweet little girl. 

I didn't feel pride, only joy and gratitude.

Josh and I went into this party fully prepared for Jane to get fussy, throw her cake at someone, or get bored opening presents, but she did great! She was engaged the entire time and even showed off her walking skills for the group! She won't walk a single unaided step today, but yesterday Janie was a little ham! She loved her cake (but who could blame her) and I think she ate way too much! She LOVED opening presents! She practically crawled into the gift bags and flung the tissue paper over her head (right into my face) to get to the presents within!

Jane attacked her presents with ferocity!

This little girl enriches my life every single day. Her joyful, sweet, expressive personality is a gift and a blessing for which I grow more thankful daily. 

I never imagined that I could love anyone like I love this little family of mine. 

Happy Birthday Jane!

A Little Update

Has anyone noticed that casual bloggers post in waves? Well, everyone else is catching up so I will too!

After Josh and I had been married for a couple of months I asked my friend, Kellie, who had been married for two years and was contemplating her second child, "Man! Life got so busy after we got engaged and hasn't slowed down. When does it slow down?" 

She giggled.

Now I understand.

This little kiddo keeps me very busy! She is walking here and there, into everything, and exploring her boundaries. She "helps" me with the laundry, inspects Rosie's food and water, thoroughly organizes our DVDs, and cleans out my tupperware cupboard several times each day. 

Speaking of Rosie, it makes me so happy to see them become friends! I grew up with animals and I am so grateful to have such a sweet, good natured dog to look after little Janie. They share Cheerios, Rosie gives Jane baths, and Jane looks for Rosie every morning and squawks until she is released from her kennel!

Listening to Jane explore and experiment with language is a highlight for me. Each day she seems to have found a new sound to wrap her little tongue around and sing while she plays. 

Some of her words include:

Mamam

Dad

Nana

Nigh Nigh (which loosely translates to night night or feed me)

Dat! (that)

Diss (this)

Hi

Chitchen (kitchen)

and Nana swears she said Hot Dog the other day!

 Jane is proving to be a very social baby. She is happy to play by herself as long as she's in the same room with me so she can talk to and show me what she's doing. We love our walks and reading books together-thank goodness she's mostly out of the ripping pages stage! She loves music and dances with us and sometimes will match pitch with me and sing along at bedtime!

Reading stories with Briley

Jane is really good-natured (until she's hungry and then all bets are off), so she goes everywhere with me (with a healthy stash of puffs and baby food) and is usually just happy as a clam to be out and about with me. However, as I mentioned, she's testing boundaries so we've had a few tantrums and Josh and I are finding a balance between ignoring (not reinforcing the behavior) and protecting her from flailing her little head into sharp objects...

...she has a flair for the dramatic. Surprise!

And then we sing and read before bed and she just snuggles right in and my heart feels about to burst with love for this little sweetheart!

Josh is busy as ever at work (and you all thought things calmed down after the Summer Season. Hah!) but he's happy. School House Rock opens tomorrow! I am never more proud of my husband than when a parent of one of his Playmakers kids tells me what a difference he's made in their lives. 

He's so great!

I am finally back in the swing of things at work and really enjoying it. It's nice to have a little rhythm again and it's a little less the-end-of-the-world to be back at work. And I think it's good for Jane to develop relationships with others. I think that's part of why I can have her in my YW class while I teach. She checks in with me throughout my lesson, but is so good to sit and play and not be TOO much of a distraction. The rule is the girls can hold her after the lesson if they participate. 

It works out most of the time.

All in all, I am so happy. Life is not perfect and I've obviously omitted the dramatic waves of guilt at leaving my daughter for work or not feeding her a wide enough variety of beans and the process of adjusting your marriage from couple to family that no one warns you about...but I'm happy. 

I feel deeply grateful to be married to a kind, patient, hardworking man who encourages me to love myself like he does. I'm thankful for our rewarding jobs and the means to provide for our family, and I'm thankful for my supportive and loving extended family. And above all, I am overwhelmingly grateful for the privilege of being Jane's mother. 

She's On the Move!

This business started on the 4th of July... *Cue Jaws soundtrack*

...And she hasn't stopped since! 

Hi-ho, hi-ho...

I returned to work last week and to be honest, it's really hard. I knew it would be, but it's harder than I anticipated. It doesn't really get easier to hand Jane over, I'm just usually in a hurry (what else is new!) and don't leave time to sit and weep over the hours I'll miss with her. She's just so dang cute! It's difficult to leave my little girl in the care of others to go care for other mothers' little girls! (Say that ten times fast!) I knew all of that would make work a challenge, but I didn't expect the adjustment issues to affect Jane's feeding patterns. She's decided that she quite likes the bottle because hey, who wouldn't want deliciously warm milk shot-gun shooting down your throat while being cuddled by your nana, grampa, aunt, or daddy seven times a day? 

In fact, she likes it so much that when I am home, she screams and scratches and arches her body away from me when I try to breastfeed her. 

Super fun. 

And I hate to admit it, but it kind of hurts my feel-bads. I know she doesn't mean it, but it's hard enough to be away from her at all, and then she doesn't want to engage in the most special, intimate of bonding opportunities and before you know it we're both crying! Les Sigh. 

I hear that this is normal and should stop in the next week or two.
Everybody cross your fingers and toes!

BUT! 

There is still so much good in my life!

I am overwhelmingly grateful that Jane gets to hang out with four of her favorite peeps every week and that they are people that I completely trust with her. 

I know how blessed we are that Josh and I both have jobs we enjoy. 

And after a rough week for our friends and their little baby who is failing to thrive, I am extremely grateful and humbled to cuddle my chunky, smiley, happy-as-long-as-she's-being-fed-her-way baby every day. 

I wish I could just stay home with my little Peanut all day every day, but until then I'll just count my blessings and make every day off count as much as I can.

Dearest, Favorite Darlings...

My friend Miranda passed along the Liebster award to me. In German, Liebster means darling, favorite, or dearest. So it's kind of a sweet way to connect. It reminds me of those interminably long tell-me-about-yourself emails we all passed around as kids, but I think it's fun, so here goes! Here are the instructions:

Post 11 random things about myself.


Answer the 11 questions my nominator set for me.


Create 11 questions for my nominees.


Nominate 11 other bloggers with fewer than 200 followers (no tag-backs).


Go to each of their blogs to tell them about their nominations.

My 11 Random Facts

• I love scarves. Like a lot. I have an entire drawer of them and I don’t think I’ve ever gone through all of them in a single season. It’s an easy Christmas gift!
• My feet obnoxiously grew during my pregnancy, which is I guess kind of normal. I am not happy, Bob. Not happy.
• I take great pride in my driving skills. I never had much confidence in my driving until coming to Cedar and especially since working at Sunrise. Doing the Black Ridge three times weekly in the winter has got to give me points!
• I have lived on two Continents.
• I’ve never had braces. I’m quite proud of my teeth.
• I love Yoga, although I am very inflexible.
• I love to run more than almost any pastime/sport. I’m still not cleared for running by my doctor and I miss it so much I’ve had several dreams about it.
• I love fashion but I have neither the money or the will to allocate much money to it so I mostly admire it in others.
• I am a bit of a food snob. Just a bit, though!
• I love dogs. They are my spirit guide! But ya wanna know a secret? I also love cats. Not the bratty ones. The really dumb, funny ones that belong in cartoons and youtube videos.
• I would rather clean dirty dishes than put away clean ones.

My answers to Miranda’s 11 questions

What’s your favorite book and why?

• Jane Eyre. It is a beautiful tale that crosses genres! It’s a love story full of mystery, crime, a hint of humor, and morality. It has been my constant friend since I was 9 years old.

 Who is your favorite sibling, and how did he/she get to be so awesome?

• My brother, Chad. We were close as kids and fought horribly throughout our youth but we became very close over the last 7 years. We can talk about anything and respect the other person’s opinions. We learn so much from each other and, most importantly, we have total trust! In the course of our lives as siblings, Chad has never lied to me. Not once. I can count on him to always be honest with me and I value that so much! We are learning to lean on each other and be there for each other in a way we never figured out as kids. He’s pretty great!

 What is your fantasy travel destination?

• I want to travel all over Italy. That’s one country we didn’t really go when we lived there and I am just dying to go visit the home of my Italian ancestors and eat lots of delicious food!

 What is your alternate life path?

• I would be working in an NGO or in international relations in DC to help women and children who are suffering in other countries.

 Is there intelligent life on other planets and will we ever meet them?

• Yes. No.

 What broke up you and your first best friend?

• I moved away.

 Who is your longest lasting pal? Why?

• Cara. We can go weeks without talking and pick up the phone and it’s like nothing has changed and no time has passed. We have become like sisters and we are always there for each other, no matter what. And because when we pranked a bunch of boys in college and I got hog tied with zip ties, she came running in after me!

 In what ways do you hope to be just like your mother, and in what ways do you not?

• Someday I would like to approach cooking like she does. She get’s an idea of how it should taste and just starts throwing stuff in. It shouldn’t work, but it always tastes great! I love her unending variety of hobbies and interests. She reminds me I don’t have to just do one thing my whole life. I can do whatever I want with my time. My mom has found a wonderful man that makes her completely happy and helps her be herself in all the best ways. Unfortunately it took her several tries. I hope to be different from her by getting it right with Josh. I chose very carefully in part because I watched her struggle for so long.

 College class you never got to take?

• Humanities with Jim Harrison, ballet, ASL, cooking, drugs and behavior, Directing I, Horsemanship I (I took it, I just want to take it again with Josh!), self-defense, and various English and History classes. Good thing Josh is technically employed by the University so I can take whatever I want now!

 Hobby you can’t afford?

• Travel, Kayaking, Horseback Riding, Photography.

 What is the deal?!

• BOGO.

My Questions

• Boxers or briefs?
• If you could hang out with anyone, alive or dead, for an afternoon, who would it be?
• What are the last 5 shows/movies in your Netflix queue or equivalent watching device or site?
• What is the most treasured piece of jewelry you own? (If one of them is your wedding ring, add the next best one as well!)
• What is your fondest memory as a child, in elementary, junior, high school, and college?
• What is the greatest piece of advice your parents have ever given you?
• Favorite treat?
• Crunchy or creamy, mayo or miracle, Colgate or Crest, sweet or dill, East Coast or West Coast, cats or dogs?
• Something you learned recently?
• What is your biggest pet peeve?
• How will you survive the zombie apocalypse? What makes you likely to survive?

My Peeps

Cara

Chelsea

Ali

Carlee

Ashley

Amanda

Lara

Anne-Marie

Alyssa

Chandler

Lindsey

Enjoy! Tag me back so I can see all your answers!

A New Year. A New Word!

Inspired by Miranda and Lara, I have decided that rather than making a long list of things I want to do or change in the next year that I will inevitably forget about by the time my birthday rolls around, I will have a word to guide me this year. Whilst pondering this concept, I thought over the last year and asked myself what my word would have been last year and it was pretty easy to come up with.

Increase!

2012 was a very busy one for the Stavros family! Here’s the breakdown:

January: We bought our home!

February: We became big kids when Josh became an official full-time employee of the Shakespeare Festival and got full benefits. We also adopted our wonderful dog Rosie

March: Found out I was pregnant

April: I was promoted to Supervisor at Sunrise

May: Chad returned from his mission and Haela graduated from High School

June/July: We began the never-ending project of home improvement

August: Cara and Steve welcomed Ella into their family

September: Kellie and Troy brought little Ephraim into the world

October: We started a family tradition of participating in the Butch Cassidy fun run, Josh ran another successful Shakespeare Competition, in which my girls participated again, and we prepared for our world to be completely turned upside down.

November: Our beautiful daughter, Jane, was born!

December: Jane got a cousin when Nora was born in Brazil to Jake and Ashley!

SO yeah. It was a big one. Every month brought an increase to our lives. An increase of responsibility, anticipation, family, joy…it was a really good year for us!

However, we are really looking forward to a slightly calmer year! We don’t want to stop growing, but we want to enjoy the wonderful changes that came to us last year. Josh thought of comparing it to a plant:

Last year we increased by planting a lot of seeds (and watched them sprout rather quickly!), but this year they need lots of attention and…

Cultivation!

So in 2013 we look forward to tending all of these increases and cultivating their beauty in our lives. Specifically, I want to cultivate my testimony of the Savior, actually plant a garden, cultivate my relationship with my daughter, husband, and the rest of my family, and get out of debt! (The debt one only sort of works with my word, but I’m DETERMINED to pay off at least one student loan by the end of next year!) I’d also like to NOT cultivate my hips as I work off my love weight (that’s what I’ve decided to call baby weight. My body weight was increased with love. Now that my Little Love is outside of me, it’s time to give all that weight back to her!).

In conclusion, here’s to 2013, and my year of cultivating the many wonderful blessings 2012 brought to our little family!

What's your word for 2013?

Brrrr!

On the one hand...

it's zero degrees outside. 

ZERO.

On the other...

Cara's coming today!

Just think: 

Our husbands have given us four whole days to do absolutely positively whatever we want. 

All that's really required of us is that we feed our babies 

(and Josh. I need to keep feeding Josh). 

I think we can handle that!

Sweet Baby Jane

Dear Jane,

Welcome to the world! You are six weeks old now and just as cute as can be! Here is the story of your birth, Sweetheart.

You were born Monday, November 19, 2012 at 4:51pm, weighing in at 7 lbs 2 oz and 19.25 inches long. I woke up at around 7:30am with mild contractions 3-5 minutes apart. As I wasn't in any pain, just feeling a little crampy, I got up and started my day! I made some bread, went to the chiropractor, finished packing my hospital bag, and took a shower. Nana came over at about 11:00 to help me get ready, and aunt Ashley came to take a pregnancy picture with me since she was still carrying baby Nora. Good thing we got it then!

Daddy came home at noon for lunch and I had my heart set on Thai food, but when a strong contraction brought me to the floor, he thought we should go to the hospital just in case. When we got there I was dilated to a 3+ and my hopes of Green Curry and Pad Thai were crushed! I was admitted at about 1:00pm and Dr. Gatherum came to break my water and start Pitocin. At this point I was getting really uncomfortable and very frustrated that the nurse kept asking me questions and poking me. Luckily Phyllis and I are both pretty sarcastic people. We got along great!

After about an hour of that I was finally able to relax and focus on the waves of productive pain that I knew would eventually bring me you. They gave me something to help me relax even more. I settled in and used meditation, visualization, deep breathing, and hypnobirthing techniques to manage the pain and make contractions efficient. At 3:00pm the nurse checked me again and I was already dilated to a 6 and totally in my rhythm.

~Going in to labor we had all kinds of plans for how your Dad was going to help me through the pain (music, massage, coaching, etc.) but once I got focused I didn't want anyone touching or talking to me, so he just hung out with Nana and let me be. I was so grateful for his gentle support.~

Auntie Cara called Dad at around 3:30pm asking how I was doing. Cara has always been my greatest cheerleader so of course I wanted to talk to her! I thought I totally played it cool on the phone but apparently I was so relaxed that I sounded high as a kite! Still, it was so great to hear her sweet, encouraging voice.

Suddenly I was yanked out of my happy place at about 4:00pm with an urge to push that was so strong and unexpected that I yelped after hours of almost total silence! Dad leapt to my side and I asked him to quickly get the nurse. Doctor Gatherum arrived a few minutes later and I was dilated to 9 3/4 and fully effaced. It was time to push! And kiddo, were you ready or what! About 45 minutes later I gave what I knew would be my last push (after about 20 maddening minutes of hearing about how much hair you had) and held you in my arms for the first time.

At that moment I felt pure joy, relief, and love. You know how sometimes in the movies it looks like the world is blurry and swirling around two people? (Of course you don't. You're an infant. But you will!) That's what it felt like. There were many people in the room that had hands in my vision, taking care of you, but I never saw most of their faces. All I saw was you. You didn't cry at first. You just looked up at me with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. You only cried when they started to take you away from me, and then they were satisfied that the gunk was coming out of your hearty little lungs and gave you back to me. You were so positively beautiful. I held you for as long as I possibly could, and only gave you up when I absolutely had to. I watched Dad give you your first bath and the nurse get your foot and fingerprints, and gratefully heard everyone say how perfectly healthy you were. I will never forget the rush of love I felt for you and your father that night as we all rested peacefully.

Nana, Grampa and Aunt Hilary were there right after you were born and Papa Neves came a few hours later and everyone was in total awe of your sweet, tender spirit. We were blessed with a constant stream of family and friends the next day and throughout the ensuing weeks. Nana stayed with us on and off for a week or two to help us get the hang of this whole parenting thing, and was such a blessing! Thanksgiving was wonderful and you are still quite the belle of the ball wherever we go and although no one needs to tell me how wonderful you are, I just hope it doesn't go to your head!

You are growing like a weed and you have changed so much in the last few weeks. You have been smiling at us since you were about 3 weeks old and you bequeathed that impish little grin on Dad first; he can get you to smile and coo almost anytime! You love to be held and, as I totally knew you would, you fight sleep at bedtime just like Mama! You are also VERY demanding when hungry and had to be given formula as a supplement before my milk came in because you just weren't satisfied with colostrum, ya greedy little thing! But most of the time you are an absolute delight! You love to snuggle and will go to just about anyone, although no one can soothe you as fast as I can, and you make the cutest little squeaks and gurgles when you sleep. You are a total productivity killer, by the way! I don't get anything done most days because I would rather watch, cuddle, and listen to you than anything else in the world!
You are my most precious gift and I thank Heavenly Father every single day for trusting me with your life.
With so much love,
Mom