I returned to work last week and to be honest, it's really hard. I knew it would be, but it's harder than I anticipated. It doesn't really get easier to hand Jane over, I'm just usually in a hurry (what else is new!) and don't leave time to sit and weep over the hours I'll miss with her. She's just so dang cute! It's difficult to leave my little girl in the care of others to go care for other mothers' little girls! (Say that ten times fast!) I knew all of that would make work a challenge, but I didn't expect the adjustment issues to affect Jane's feeding patterns. She's decided that she quite likes the bottle because hey, who wouldn't want deliciously warm milk shot-gun shooting down your throat while being cuddled by your nana, grampa, aunt, or daddy seven times a day?
In fact, she likes it so much that when I am home, she screams and scratches and arches her body away from me when I try to breastfeed her.
Super fun.
And I hate to admit it, but it kind of hurts my feel-bads. I know she doesn't mean it, but it's hard enough to be away from her at all, and then she doesn't want to engage in the most special, intimate of bonding opportunities and before you know it we're both crying! Les Sigh.
Everybody cross your fingers and toes!
BUT!
There is still so much good in my life!
I am overwhelmingly grateful that Jane gets to hang out with four of her favorite peeps every week and that they are people that I completely trust with her.
I know how blessed we are that Josh and I both have jobs we enjoy.
And after a rough week for our friends and their little baby who is failing to thrive, I am extremely grateful and humbled to cuddle my chunky, smiley, happy-as-long-as-she's-being-fed-her-way baby every day.
I wish I could just stay home with my little Peanut all day every day, but until then I'll just count my blessings and make every day off count as much as I can.
